For the last couple months Merrie's occupation of choice has been "a teacher, like Mommy". She goes around the room pretending to be at work, teaching her toys about letters, counting and even how to put a puzzle together.
But she is also pretending to be at home, still busy working on her computer and will say, "in a minute, I need to put in grades" or "sorry honey, I can't play right now, I need to work."
I didn't realize how much of work I brought home with me - until now. I wear many hats at work and have lots of responsibility. I also work best under stress - so I rarely say "no" when asked to do something. Even today, I'm writing this knowing I need to finishing putting grades into the online parent gradebook (they are already in my excel file, which took me 3 hours to do this afternoon at work, because I had to get each high school students' scores individually). I also need to update my classroom website which is constantly checked by parents, I need to figure out how I'm going to meet with the students who didn't master the last 3 tests, I need to work on accreditation stuff so I don't get behind on that, I need to watch the lessons for my high schoolers so they can learn content from a physical teacher instead of through the computer, I need to create lessons for the next topic I'm teaching to my middle schoolers...this is normal - this is my every weekend.
When I realized I wanted to be a teacher, way back in 2nd grade, it seemed magical. Like I was going to save the world, one kid at a time. I still feel like that, every day...and maybe that's the problem. Am I so dedicated to my job - it has come at the expense of my family? I should have learned this lesson when Thomas and I separated back in 2010 and when we moved in 2014 so I could "spend more time at home". His main concern was that we never talked and I spent too much time working. My original excuse was that I was a new teacher - but I don't have that excuse anymore...so what is it now?
There has to be a way to consolidate the expectations of my parents, administrators and students and meet all of their demands - while at the same time meeting the needs of my family and not losing them in the process. But it's crazy hard and honestly - what I'm just now realizing - not something I want for my daughter to experience.
Parents have expectations of me - they want updated grades so they can see how their child is progressing, they want an updated website so they can support me at home, they want current behavior reports for their child so they know what to address at home. All of those things are understandable and realistic expectations.
Students have expectations of me - they want updated grades so they know what to work on, they need homework to practice what was learned in class. They need these things and it should be expected.
My administrators have expectations of me - they want updated lesson plans and activities that relate to the standards. They want documentation that I am addressing the students who need help and extra support.
So where do you cut the cord? Do you disappoint parents - so that they share with the world their displeasure at your "incompetence" as seems to be the trend with the multitude of viral posts out there... Do you let down admin - at the expense of losing your job?? I refuse to slack at the students' expense...
It seems, that my family has been the cord I have cut - which should also be unacceptable...
So, today, when Merrie was pretending to be a "teacher", I sat down with her and explained that Mommy has a job that she loves and is helping so many other kids - but that she and Micah are my babies, and they and Daddy come before anyone else. Always.
Which is something I've struggled with and I don't want her to struggle with it. So, being a teacher is a great job and deserves respect, but family is more important and should always come first. At the expense of anything job related...even if it means putting some things on the back burner or finding a job that is strictly 9-5.
She just looked at me with those big blues eyes and said, "Oh, I know Honey, I know you love me and I know you love your kids - this is just pretend." and went back to playing school.
Maybe one day, I'll find a balance, but right now, when she's up - no computer, no grading, no work...just Merrie and Micah and Daddy. God first - Family Second - Work Third. Always. That is what I want her to remember, not the Mommy who was on the computer all the time.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, October 30, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Free-Range or Helicopter??
I read an article today about a mother who is under investigation for allowing her children (10 and 6) to walk to a playground on their own. In fact, I've read a couple articles recently about parents allowing their kids to walk home from playgrounds or play outside by themselves. One was about a parent who was criticized for letting her son play outside, where she could see him from the window.
In Douglas, my 10/11 year-olds walked home from school everyday. Many of them walked to MEXICO on their own, which was a good couple miles away. I can't recall one instance where they were kidnapped, or hurt in the process.
Free-range parenting is the idea that you gradually allow your kids more freedom to travel and play without adult supervision. At a younger age than what is culturally deemed "normal" by today's society.
When I was 11, I had a JOB that required me to ride my bike 3 miles ONE WAY to deliver newspapers to complete strangers. I think the only time my parents were with me was if it was raining. Wonder if my parents would have been under investigation too? I never felt scared or threatened. Maybe there were creeps in some of those houses, but most of my customers were really nice. I also walked 2 miles home from school on occasion in middle school (or rode my bike). That ride was on country roads...very unsafe.
When did we get so protective?
Obviously, I'm not going to let my 3 year old walk a mile to the park, but I do let her play in the yard while I'm in the house. What I allow her to do on her own will expand as she develops her ability to communicate and decipher hazardous situations. To me, when you let your child do something unattended isn't based on an age. It depends on her maturity and how much I trust her.
You can't save your kids from everything, it's impossible. In fact, I think helicopter parenting is more harmful than free-range parenting, because it doesn't allow kids to develop true independence - something they will need later in life. The best thing you can do is prepare them for as many situations as you can. Merrie will know how to protect herself and how to identify strangers who could hurt her - we're already teaching her these things. If you don't prepare your child early, than when they are older they won't know how to handle themselves in those situations.
Allowing your child to walk home from school or the park, gives then a measure of independence that will help develop their overall independence...something they will need to survive in the real world.
I also think this is something that responsible parents shouldn't have to worry being judged about. There are far worse things the governments needs to spend money on than whether or not a 10 yr old can walk his sister home from the park.
Read One Referenced Story:
http://fox13now.com/2015/01/23/another-family-under-investigation-after-letting-children-walk-home-alone/
In Douglas, my 10/11 year-olds walked home from school everyday. Many of them walked to MEXICO on their own, which was a good couple miles away. I can't recall one instance where they were kidnapped, or hurt in the process.
Free-range parenting is the idea that you gradually allow your kids more freedom to travel and play without adult supervision. At a younger age than what is culturally deemed "normal" by today's society.
When I was 11, I had a JOB that required me to ride my bike 3 miles ONE WAY to deliver newspapers to complete strangers. I think the only time my parents were with me was if it was raining. Wonder if my parents would have been under investigation too? I never felt scared or threatened. Maybe there were creeps in some of those houses, but most of my customers were really nice. I also walked 2 miles home from school on occasion in middle school (or rode my bike). That ride was on country roads...very unsafe.
When did we get so protective?
Obviously, I'm not going to let my 3 year old walk a mile to the park, but I do let her play in the yard while I'm in the house. What I allow her to do on her own will expand as she develops her ability to communicate and decipher hazardous situations. To me, when you let your child do something unattended isn't based on an age. It depends on her maturity and how much I trust her.
You can't save your kids from everything, it's impossible. In fact, I think helicopter parenting is more harmful than free-range parenting, because it doesn't allow kids to develop true independence - something they will need later in life. The best thing you can do is prepare them for as many situations as you can. Merrie will know how to protect herself and how to identify strangers who could hurt her - we're already teaching her these things. If you don't prepare your child early, than when they are older they won't know how to handle themselves in those situations.
Allowing your child to walk home from school or the park, gives then a measure of independence that will help develop their overall independence...something they will need to survive in the real world.
I also think this is something that responsible parents shouldn't have to worry being judged about. There are far worse things the governments needs to spend money on than whether or not a 10 yr old can walk his sister home from the park.
Read One Referenced Story:
http://fox13now.com/2015/01/23/another-family-under-investigation-after-letting-children-walk-home-alone/
Monday, January 12, 2015
The Disney Princess Battle
One of my parents wrote our Spring play, which is basically two narrators telling the basic plot lines of several different fairy tales (very basically - there is much more depth than that).
She asked what my favorite fairy tale was and I told her (thinking purely Disney) I didn't have one. Which is true, unless of course, you include the Lion King. I've never liked that for the most part, they all involve princesses relying on Prince Charming to save them and generally can't do much for themselves. Cinderella had to have a prince save her from her Step mom instead of just moving out of a bad situation - Aurora AND Snow White had to have a total stranger kiss them, which is actually a bit creepy.
Ariel (my least favorite) disobeyed her dad to be turned into a human so she could be with a guy she'd only seen once and then of course it all worked out - telling little girls everywhere it is okay to disobey your parents because your love at first sight will just run a boat through the evil witch and your daddy will forgive you and turn you back into a human and there will be rainbows and the wedding boat will ride off into the sunset. No consequences.
Tonight, I read a blog titled "A fathers battle with the Disney princess army", and I have to say - I completely related. Last year, for Merrie's birthday she wanted puppy stuff - so we did a puppy themed party. This year, our Disney princess battle started with Sofia the First (who by all accounts is a pretty good kid - much better attitude than her stepsister). NOW we have our own stock of princess dresses that include: Merida, Anna, Elsa and Sofia - and I'm sure it will grow. Merrie also pretends to be other princesses in her normal clothes, but these are her 4 go-tos. With each outfit comes a completely different "Merrie". She takes on the persona, complete with voice change and walking on tip toes, of the princess in which she is portraying. Today, she had her Elsa dress on and told "Anna" to go away before she shut her bedroom door. What made me smile even more was the day she wore all red and pretended to be Mrs. Incredible (who by the way has the best hips of any princess, but still has that darn waist).
There is an amazing amount of perceptiveness in what she comprehends! With this attention to detail, I'm sure will come the time when she herself has comments about why all the princesses have thin waists and huge eyes and I hope sincerely she will grow out of this phase enough to know that Disney's portrayal of what a "beautiful woman" is, is not ideal or even possible.
Someone once told me that Prince Charming could, in a very loose sense, relate to Christ saving us from things we can't get out of ourselves. Maybe, maybe I don't give my 3 year old enough credit, and she might actually think that deeply...but I know that for me, these stories left me waiting for that "Love at First Sight" experience, which I actually dreamed up once and that crush took up much of my middle/high school career.
All this being said, Merrie still loves her G.I. Joes, Transformers and "Turtles" (the originals, brought to us by the Hub), so I know she hasn't been completely brainwashed into princessness. She continually tells me that I am beautiful, so I know her perception of beauty is definitely not based on the appearance of the princesses. For now, like the dad in the blog, I will let her pretend to be someone else because we've all done that and come out at the other end fine - but the minute she starts telling me she wants to look like Belle or Jasmine is the minute we turn NickJr back on instead of Disney!
Read the Blog here:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/110515-a-fathers-battle-with-the-disney-princess-army/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook
She asked what my favorite fairy tale was and I told her (thinking purely Disney) I didn't have one. Which is true, unless of course, you include the Lion King. I've never liked that for the most part, they all involve princesses relying on Prince Charming to save them and generally can't do much for themselves. Cinderella had to have a prince save her from her Step mom instead of just moving out of a bad situation - Aurora AND Snow White had to have a total stranger kiss them, which is actually a bit creepy.
Ariel (my least favorite) disobeyed her dad to be turned into a human so she could be with a guy she'd only seen once and then of course it all worked out - telling little girls everywhere it is okay to disobey your parents because your love at first sight will just run a boat through the evil witch and your daddy will forgive you and turn you back into a human and there will be rainbows and the wedding boat will ride off into the sunset. No consequences.
Tonight, I read a blog titled "A fathers battle with the Disney princess army", and I have to say - I completely related. Last year, for Merrie's birthday she wanted puppy stuff - so we did a puppy themed party. This year, our Disney princess battle started with Sofia the First (who by all accounts is a pretty good kid - much better attitude than her stepsister). NOW we have our own stock of princess dresses that include: Merida, Anna, Elsa and Sofia - and I'm sure it will grow. Merrie also pretends to be other princesses in her normal clothes, but these are her 4 go-tos. With each outfit comes a completely different "Merrie". She takes on the persona, complete with voice change and walking on tip toes, of the princess in which she is portraying. Today, she had her Elsa dress on and told "Anna" to go away before she shut her bedroom door. What made me smile even more was the day she wore all red and pretended to be Mrs. Incredible (who by the way has the best hips of any princess, but still has that darn waist).
There is an amazing amount of perceptiveness in what she comprehends! With this attention to detail, I'm sure will come the time when she herself has comments about why all the princesses have thin waists and huge eyes and I hope sincerely she will grow out of this phase enough to know that Disney's portrayal of what a "beautiful woman" is, is not ideal or even possible.
Someone once told me that Prince Charming could, in a very loose sense, relate to Christ saving us from things we can't get out of ourselves. Maybe, maybe I don't give my 3 year old enough credit, and she might actually think that deeply...but I know that for me, these stories left me waiting for that "Love at First Sight" experience, which I actually dreamed up once and that crush took up much of my middle/high school career.
All this being said, Merrie still loves her G.I. Joes, Transformers and "Turtles" (the originals, brought to us by the Hub), so I know she hasn't been completely brainwashed into princessness. She continually tells me that I am beautiful, so I know her perception of beauty is definitely not based on the appearance of the princesses. For now, like the dad in the blog, I will let her pretend to be someone else because we've all done that and come out at the other end fine - but the minute she starts telling me she wants to look like Belle or Jasmine is the minute we turn NickJr back on instead of Disney!
Read the Blog here:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/110515-a-fathers-battle-with-the-disney-princess-army/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook
Saturday, January 3, 2015
You can find an article to justify anything!
So here's what caught my attention today. I noticed a post about an article against spanking, then after reading the article, one of the articles that popped up was pro-spanking. Both from relatively credible sources (Fox and CNN). Here's my take: Regardless of your position on a certain debate, you can always find research to support your opinion. You could probably also find a Bible verse to support your opinion.
Because I can't keep my opinions to myself, here's mine on spanking. I grew up in a "spanking" house. If we misbehaved bad enough, we were spanked. Once we were about 8-9 the choice for grounding came into play until we were about 10-11 and then we were grounded instead of spanked. Personally, I always chose to be spanked, because the punishment was over quickly. My parents never hit us incredibly hard and I was never bruised or scared in anyway during a spanking.
There are 7 kids in my family, we all have different temperaments and personalities. We're all intelligent, two of my sisters and I have master's degrees. We all did well musically and took many higher level classes. NONE of us have been incarcerated (as far as I know). I really don't feel like we're scarred in anyway because of the way in which my parents disciplined us. Whenever we were punished, we always knew our parents loved us and we also knew we had done whatever punishment fit the crime. If in the event we were punished unfairly, it was met with an apology. Parents are humans too. I might be off and maybe this is not the perception of my siblings, but I think I'm pretty close.
Now, I am also part of a family recovering from very real physical abuse and know in detail the effects that abuse had on at least one person. Here are some differences:
*In this particular family, all children are incredibly intelligent and there is no evidence that this intelligence decreased as a direct result of said abuse AND the use of that intelligence did not differ in either family.
**I also don't want to blame many of these things solely on the actions of parents, this person, as an adult made these choices of his own freewill...but I do believe his past helped kindle these decisions.
Whatever your opinion - there is a true difference between lovingly disciplining your child so they don't become spoiled, entitled adults and abusing your child to the point of real physical and mental harm. Make sure, however you discipline your child, you do it in a way that shows them you love and respect them.
Pro-Spanking:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/2010/01/04/study-spanked-children-may-grow-up-to-be-happier-more-successful/
Anti-Spanking:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/23/health/effects-spanking-brain/index.html
Because I can't keep my opinions to myself, here's mine on spanking. I grew up in a "spanking" house. If we misbehaved bad enough, we were spanked. Once we were about 8-9 the choice for grounding came into play until we were about 10-11 and then we were grounded instead of spanked. Personally, I always chose to be spanked, because the punishment was over quickly. My parents never hit us incredibly hard and I was never bruised or scared in anyway during a spanking.
There are 7 kids in my family, we all have different temperaments and personalities. We're all intelligent, two of my sisters and I have master's degrees. We all did well musically and took many higher level classes. NONE of us have been incarcerated (as far as I know). I really don't feel like we're scarred in anyway because of the way in which my parents disciplined us. Whenever we were punished, we always knew our parents loved us and we also knew we had done whatever punishment fit the crime. If in the event we were punished unfairly, it was met with an apology. Parents are humans too. I might be off and maybe this is not the perception of my siblings, but I think I'm pretty close.
Now, I am also part of a family recovering from very real physical abuse and know in detail the effects that abuse had on at least one person. Here are some differences:
- children who feared their parents and up until recently had very real hatred for them
- children who were punished when teachers found actual physical markings of abuse
- parents who never apologized for their actions when wrong (until recently)
- children punished for the actions of others
- children who have criminal histories
- extensive substance abuse
- struggle to stay in stable-healthy relationships
*In this particular family, all children are incredibly intelligent and there is no evidence that this intelligence decreased as a direct result of said abuse AND the use of that intelligence did not differ in either family.
**I also don't want to blame many of these things solely on the actions of parents, this person, as an adult made these choices of his own freewill...but I do believe his past helped kindle these decisions.
Whatever your opinion - there is a true difference between lovingly disciplining your child so they don't become spoiled, entitled adults and abusing your child to the point of real physical and mental harm. Make sure, however you discipline your child, you do it in a way that shows them you love and respect them.
Pro-Spanking:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/2010/01/04/study-spanked-children-may-grow-up-to-be-happier-more-successful/
Anti-Spanking:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/23/health/effects-spanking-brain/index.html
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