For the last couple months Merrie's occupation of choice has been "a teacher, like Mommy". She goes around the room pretending to be at work, teaching her toys about letters, counting and even how to put a puzzle together.
But she is also pretending to be at home, still busy working on her computer and will say, "in a minute, I need to put in grades" or "sorry honey, I can't play right now, I need to work."
I didn't realize how much of work I brought home with me - until now. I wear many hats at work and have lots of responsibility. I also work best under stress - so I rarely say "no" when asked to do something. Even today, I'm writing this knowing I need to finishing putting grades into the online parent gradebook (they are already in my excel file, which took me 3 hours to do this afternoon at work, because I had to get each high school students' scores individually). I also need to update my classroom website which is constantly checked by parents, I need to figure out how I'm going to meet with the students who didn't master the last 3 tests, I need to work on accreditation stuff so I don't get behind on that, I need to watch the lessons for my high schoolers so they can learn content from a physical teacher instead of through the computer, I need to create lessons for the next topic I'm teaching to my middle schoolers...this is normal - this is my every weekend.
When I realized I wanted to be a teacher, way back in 2nd grade, it seemed magical. Like I was going to save the world, one kid at a time. I still feel like that, every day...and maybe that's the problem. Am I so dedicated to my job - it has come at the expense of my family? I should have learned this lesson when Thomas and I separated back in 2010 and when we moved in 2014 so I could "spend more time at home". His main concern was that we never talked and I spent too much time working. My original excuse was that I was a new teacher - but I don't have that excuse anymore...so what is it now?
There has to be a way to consolidate the expectations of my parents, administrators and students and meet all of their demands - while at the same time meeting the needs of my family and not losing them in the process. But it's crazy hard and honestly - what I'm just now realizing - not something I want for my daughter to experience.
Parents have expectations of me - they want updated grades so they can see how their child is progressing, they want an updated website so they can support me at home, they want current behavior reports for their child so they know what to address at home. All of those things are understandable and realistic expectations.
Students have expectations of me - they want updated grades so they know what to work on, they need homework to practice what was learned in class. They need these things and it should be expected.
My administrators have expectations of me - they want updated lesson plans and activities that relate to the standards. They want documentation that I am addressing the students who need help and extra support.
So where do you cut the cord? Do you disappoint parents - so that they share with the world their displeasure at your "incompetence" as seems to be the trend with the multitude of viral posts out there... Do you let down admin - at the expense of losing your job?? I refuse to slack at the students' expense...
It seems, that my family has been the cord I have cut - which should also be unacceptable...
So, today, when Merrie was pretending to be a "teacher", I sat down with her and explained that Mommy has a job that she loves and is helping so many other kids - but that she and Micah are my babies, and they and Daddy come before anyone else. Always.
Which is something I've struggled with and I don't want her to struggle with it. So, being a teacher is a great job and deserves respect, but family is more important and should always come first. At the expense of anything job related...even if it means putting some things on the back burner or finding a job that is strictly 9-5.
She just looked at me with those big blues eyes and said, "Oh, I know Honey, I know you love me and I know you love your kids - this is just pretend." and went back to playing school.
Maybe one day, I'll find a balance, but right now, when she's up - no computer, no grading, no work...just Merrie and Micah and Daddy. God first - Family Second - Work Third. Always. That is what I want her to remember, not the Mommy who was on the computer all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment